Why we need to talk about sexual consent

Superdrug’s You Before Yes Campaign delves deeper into the crucial, but often overlooked world, of consent. It opens up important conversations about what it actually means, helping you feel in the know and empowered to find your voice when it comes to all things consent.

In this blog post from the series, Sarah D’Angelis, UK Says No More Programme Manager at Hestia, discusses why we need to talk about sexual consent.

Consent matters

You may think that sexual violence is relatively rare because it’s not often talked about but you’d be wrong. Worldwide stats show that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will experience sexual violence in their lifetime. And if we are to really change things and move from a ‘rape culture’ to a ‘consent culture’ then we need to be talking openly about consent – that’s why at UK Says No More we are supporting Superdrug’s ‘You Before Yes’ campaign.

Consent matters because rape culture exists in society and it is a culture in which sexual violence is treated as the norm and victims are blamed for their own rape and abuse. It is accepted, played down, excused, laughed off or not challenged in society.

Sexist name-calling, Upskirting, rape jokes, sending unwanted videos and photos of a sexual nature are all examples of how rape culture has weaved its way into our society. These behaviours trivialise the trauma survivors experience after sexual violence, making it ‘no big deal’ and fuelling myths and misconceptions of victim blaming.

By questioning what a survivor was wearing, how much they were drinking or whether they said no, we put the emphasis on the survivor’s actions and placed the blame away from the perpetrator and onto the survivor. As a society we are questioning why survivors failed to prevent their own assault. This narrative detracts accountability and blame away from the perpetrator which increases a survivor’s trauma and devalues survivors in society.

Let’s look at some of the common myths around sexual consent:

Myth: She came back to my hotel room and we were already having sex.
Fact: At any point consent can be withdrawn, even during sexual intercourse.

Myth: He didn’t fight back, they must have wanted it.
Fact: It’s really common for survivors of any gender who have experienced sexual violence to find they are unable to move or speak. They experience tonic immobility or a “freeze response”. You can be 5th Dan at Karate and still freeze.

Myth: A lot of victims lie about being raped or give false reports.
Fact: False allegations are extremely rare. False claims only account for 0.62% of rape cases.

Myth: Look at what she was wearing, she was asking for it!
Fact: Clothes are not consent. Clothes have never been and never will be consent. Clothes do not determine someone’s consent.

These are just some of the common myths that attempt to blur the understanding of consent and the consequences of these attitudes are incredibly harmful for survivors. As a result, victims are not believed, they often blame themselves, carry shame, making it difficult to access support or they don’t report the rape or abuse. Rape in England and Wales is essentially decriminalised due to such a low conviction rate of under 1% of reported rapes.

So in any conversation around consent, whether it’s around your dinner table, in a pub, with your friends or as a part of a social media conversation, we must be clear: When it comes to sex, consent is everything and there are no blurred lines.

At UK SAYS NO MORE we work closely with our network of partners to change the societal narrative that exists around sexual violence, debunking myths of consent in employment, education and communities.

For more information about the UK SAYS NO MORE campaign, visit uksaysnomore.org/